Red Bull Soapbox Scam

Red Bull. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, they sure know how to put up a show. At least that’s what the PR teams from the Austria based sugar water manufacturers would like us to believe. Red Bull Air Race, Project Stratus, or whatever other stunt the guys from Fuschl am See try to cook up, they look amazing. So when the announcement came that the Red Bull Soapbox Race would be coming to Cork, the excitement was palpable throughout the city. After all, it would be the first world-class event in Cork since the Bruce Springsteen concert in Parc ui Chaoimh back in 2014. Sandwiched in between the Ocean to City Race on Saturday and the Cork City marathon on Bank Holiday Monday, it promised to be one hell of a weekend in June. Well, the Ocean to City Race, opening event of the 2016 Cork Harbour Festival delivered all that and more. Fun, some great sporting achievements, and most of all, a good view of the action. It really left me feeling excited for the Red Bull event the coming day. That event, however, simply turned out to be one hell of a disappointment. 

The basic setup was quite straightforward. Start was at the top of St. Patrick’s Hill, the finish line was on St. Patrick’s Bridge, assuming the competitors made it that far! The driver’s camp and paddock were set up at the “park” at Audley Place. Public Viewing Areas were set up at the bottom third of the track, at Patrick’s Quay and Camden Quay, MacCurtain Street, and Coburg Street. So far, so straightforward, one would think. Well, the impression was quite different on race day. I left about 45 minutes before the whole thing kicked off at Noon, and since I live just about a block away from the finish line, I expected to be there in no time, and with plenty of air to find a good spot.

This is pretty much the only view many spectators would have gotten of the race.

Miles of fencing but fuck all access to the racecourse!

However, it turned out that this wasn’t the case. Not only were the viewing areas little more than cattle pens. Not only that, any other access to the racecourse was blocked off with both private security and gardai, jointly acting as goons for hire! One plainclothes garda went so far as to always have a hand on his sidearm when turning people away. I’m aware that Patrick’s Hill isn’t the most spacious of roads, however, those soapbox racers are hardly F1 machines, and even with the straw crash barriers in place, there should be enough space to accommodate quite a significant number of spectators. Most importantly though, the viewing pens were DOWNHILL from the racecourse, meaning that, unless you were in the first row, you had a snowball’s chance in hell of seeing any action, except on large video screens. Well fuck you very much Red Bull, if I wanted to watch the event on a screen, I’d have stayed at home and watched it on TV, that screen there is vastly superior to the crap that you provided.

God forbid anyone would actually attempt to watch the race from outside one of the enclosures!

Of course, with the finish line being on a bridge, watching the whole event from the other bank, or from the upper parts of Patrick Street would have been another alternative, wouldn’t it? Oh Hell No! Not when Red Bull has anything to say about it. Any part of Merchant’s Quay or Lavitt’s Quay where you could potentially even catch a glimpse of the event was blocked off with construction fencing covered with black tarpaulins. And to ensure that there is no chance at all to get any glimpse of the action, a massive view screen had been erected just behind the finish line on St. Patrick’s Bridge, only the back of which was visible from Patrick Street. If you want to watch the event, fuck off into one of the viewing pens or leave us the hell alone! Said viewing pens were devoid of anything but the most basic of amenities, namely chemical toilets and the viewing screens I mentioned earlier. What’s more, there was no attempt at trying to get order in these pens, with more and more people being herded in there. One person that started to panic, one loud bang from someone poking a balloon could have easily triggered a stampede or mass panic that would have invariably let to a large number of casualties.

An Garda Siochana playing rent-a-goon.

The only view of the racecourse I got in four hours!

This is NOT how I want to watch ANY kind of live event.

Once again, sealed off perfectly.

Viewing area - a.k.a. cattle pen.

Of course, there’s one group of people who were exempt from all of that, the creeps in the VIP enclosure, led by a very smug looking Lord Mayor of Cork, Chris O’Leary from Sinn Fein. A longtime public funds parasite that waxes lyrical at every semi-political event about the injustices in this country, rails against austerity at every opportunity, he has no qualms at all raising a middle finger at the “ordinary people” he represents, and apparently enjoys all the special treatment he can get, never mind the risk for significant casualties should something go wrong. Hell, the party he represents spent most of its history causing significant casualties themselves, or aiding and abetting the terrorists that cause them!

Not all was negative though. The paddock up on St. Patrick's Hill was nicely accessible. 

Why they didn't set up a public viewing area up here is beyond me.

There were some fantastically creative teams in there, I'll give them that much!

And you have to admit, it's a paddock with a view.

No lack of view for those guys... 

They had the best seats in town.

I’m as business friendly as they come, you have to be when you spend any significant time at companies such as Apple, however what has been pulled off here is quite simply a slap in the face of the people of Cork. I can only hope that, if there ever is a repeat of this type of event, that the residents of the host city will actually be able to get a clear view of the action, otherwise the whole thing is pointless. As for Red Bull itself, I haven’t touched that vile stuff in over a decade, and the events of today haven’t changed that one bit. I can only hope that my readers will follow suit and kick those blue/silver cans where they belong, into the rubbish bins. If you want carbonated sugared water laced with caffeine, go for the original, like Coke!